Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
