i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
