So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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