Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
