Define "chronic" masturbator.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
