did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
