Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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