actually, I'm a sock model
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
