obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
