Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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