also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
