Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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