Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
