I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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