Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
