I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
