i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
