never play flip cup with pint glasses
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
