I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
