you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
