I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
