This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
