Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
