I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
