just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
