we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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