cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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