you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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