Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
