so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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