Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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