Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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