just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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