God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
