You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
