i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
