you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
