He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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