You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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