Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
