i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
