its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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