i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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