You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
