They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
