she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
