If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
How does it feel to date your dad?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
