Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
