Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
