I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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