yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
