I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
