i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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