Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
