According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
