Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
