there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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